36 weeks

Well here we are at the 36 week mark, i honestly cant believe it. We had a great appointment and ally is looking great. She is already 6 pounds and she is chubby little girl, as you can see in this pic. she looks just like deegan. they have the same face. i am so excited to meet her and kiss those chubby cheeks.

 We are officially scheduled to have our c-section on March 18th. that is less than 3 weeks away, YIKES! We have everything ready for her, clothes, food, diapers, wipes, bed, anything a baby would need. But i feel like i am not prepared at all! I keep telling myself i am ready to have her, i am big wait huge and uncomfortable, and want to kiss and hold her, but then i sit down and really think about if i am ready and honestly i am scared to death! How do you plan for the unknown? i thought we were kind of used to this unknown stuff, but as we have thought about it and talked about things, i know i am not prepared at all. i have a lot of fears, will i go into labor early? i am really scared about that, i have had contractions, and living so far away from the U makes us nervous if i was to go into labor. i keep telling the doctors that deegan was 2 weeks early and i am worried about going into labor but their reply is there is life flight or you can deliver in Logan and then they will life flight ally and Colby. in the back of my mind i am thinking ARE YOU CRAZY, and how can you sit there so calmly and tell us this with a smile on your face! cant you just help me out and make things go smoothly. i know its nothing they can do, so i guess we just keep our fingers crossed that nothing like that has to happen. I think right now my biggest fear is being a split up family and not knowing when we can all be under the same roof again. I am scared to leave deegan which i know is silly because i know he will be in GREAT hands. we have AMAZING family that will be taking care of him. but i just hate not being home with him and not knowing when we will all be home under one roof. i am having deegan withdrawals already and it is making me not want to share him with anyone. i know that is really selfish and should be the least of my worries,  but it really makes me sad to think we will all be split up. lets just hope it wont have to be for too long. There are many more fears and questions that we have and will have to wait and see how things turn out. We know that Heavenly Father is there leading us every step of the way and always will be. He has already shown us his comforting love in the last few months.